Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
