You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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