just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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