My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You are the jesus of drinking
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
