Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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