I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hippo gnu deer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
