i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
