she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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