I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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