What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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