She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
