you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
there is glitter all over my balls
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