You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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