went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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