I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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