She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
