the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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