Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sext me about skeletons
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
