I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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