I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
