Pants 0. Shit 1.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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