i jhust puked up my retainher.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
