I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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