I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
