Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
