you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
