So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
