You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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