Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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