Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
