Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
