New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
