It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
