Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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