i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
