Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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