i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Green mimosas i think yes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
