Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
