Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
