Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
