and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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