im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am naked and annoyed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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