Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
