i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
