lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
