I think I won the penis lottery.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
COCAINE IS GR8
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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