the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
