just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
