I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize