@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
