The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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