Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize