I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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