tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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