There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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