i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
