I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
