i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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