I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
