I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Rumble strips road head = magical
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
