Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
