I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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