I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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