people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
