Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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