I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
