So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
