I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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