Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.

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(316): View more from Kansas

i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

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(540): View more from Virginia

That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

(1-540): View more from Virginia

It was the best sex i've ever had.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.

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(712): View more from Iowa

buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that

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(206): View more from Washington

do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"

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(712): View more from Iowa

I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie

(510): View more from California

In my experiences, brownies are better naked.

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