I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
