Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
