I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
