Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
