I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
