I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
